I wonder if it was this morning or yesterday night.. but the moment I woke up, I had the itching urge to write all about it. I was contented enough to just let another party know of it. It wasn’t something I was willing to keep to myself. Things didn’t seem so simple. Although the recollection was painful and brought sores to my head, I really couldn’t let the memory of it just drip pass.

i remember myself opening my eyes, squinting at the pale blue sky. I gave up searching for my spectacles which most likely went into hiding near my bed. My eyes desired a lift of the weight on it but strangely, I didn’t care or I cared to defy it. I just stared up into the sky. It was like I loved that choice of defiance.

I remember there was a tinge of purple in the sky.. I felt that it was so far away and just lonely. There weren’t visible clouds but I knew there must have been. Although I wanted so much to enjoy its atmosphere, Reality forced me to bed. I wasn’t contented but school was at 6am. Although I was unsure of the time then, i felt guilty to stay up at this time. The snores of my Dad led me back into bed, to cuddle myself in the cold. It wasn’t really comfortable at first but a sudden breeze of wind overcome me. At this point of time, I found myself sweating.

A strange dream hit me while i was sleeping soundly on bed. I guess it was triggered by the countless thoughts that whirled my mind, to occupy me in my half-awake state till I totally sinked into hibernation. I knew it was a dream and that was the weird thing. I was expecting a dream or I knew i had to have a dream. I felt calm, ready to be brought to the other side of my mind’s subconscious.

The environment was a blur. I was in some kind of crowded city area. Like Europe’s city area.. the buildings and floor tiles are very westernized.

I didn’t feel scared or exhilarated. Instead, I felt very defeated for no specific reason. I felt as though it was a time to totally submit myself. There were many people walking around me, holding what seems like handbags and shopping bags but I couldn’t remember the looks of their faces or the colour of their shirts and bags. All i know is that I’m not alone.

I had no physical sensitivity but i barely realized it. My mind seem heavy and guilty over something. I didn’t had the sense of calmness. I felt lonely. I felt I needed someone or something and what I await would appear soon. I began to feel excited about the future or what lies.

I wasn’t really clear about it but i was ready to explore what is brought to me in this dream. I saw myself walking down the wide street. The buildings around seem very unified but I hadn’t the concentration to view their layout or designs. There was no boundaries to the long, wide path or I was just looking at the stone-tiled ground. No one approached me and I didn’t attempt to approach any of the busy strangers around. I knew they were busy, despite not even witnessing their existence.

Things gradually turned wavy, like heat waves circulating everything i see. The trees, benches, buildings. Or maybe there were like that from the start. I realized that instead of looking at things, I was looking at myself.

Suddenly, I felt something tugging at my heart strings. I was totally engrossed in waiting for something to happen. Something to make this dream meaningful.

From bird’s eye view, I saw myself staring into the sky. It was dark purple and fragile. Like glass, turning translucent each time “I” looked up. I felt that it was threatening to tear apart and reveal what I awaited.

The “camera” tilted and it was a full screen of magnificent black. In an artist’s eye, I observed the flawless blend of crimson. A tone hiding significantly behind the other. I found myself crouching in an an awkward position and I felt the strain on my heavy lids but the sky became too attractive. I wonder if it was my curiosity or just self defiance. I wonder if the impression of sleep and dream was the condition I am in. I wonder if I even could tell that “I” was me.

At this point of time, all the recollection is hurting my body and my head. My skull hurts but I know I have to reveal everything that I can remember. I couldn’t feel any physically ache but I could tell that the impression of pain impacted on me. I have muted the television and shut off all contacts and conversations I was engaged to. The fan is the only resonating echo in the room. To my dismay, the door and window let in unwanted noise. Birds chirping and the buzz of speeding cars. I can’t get the peace I want. I am desiring for peace to recollect at ease, clear my doubts and any potential regrets.

I remembered the sky. It left me nodding for sleep- like the impression of nodding in class. I clearly know I shouldn’t and would not want to doze off. It was wrong and I would feel guilty but what is wrong and right? All the perception made by the society. The influence on me is obvious.

Again, I saw myself interrupted in my desperate anguish, to concentrate fully in ,the never-ending depth of the sky. It soon became like a path of darkness wallowing me. As i stared deep into the tornado of dark purple and sharp yellow, I was brought into another interruption of dirty blue. It was tiring and a torture. The sky lost its beauty yet, it doesn’t look ugly or unbearable. There was something drawing me to look at it. I knew what I have been awaiting would appear soon. My mind searched through my memories to bring me what I want, but it was futile.

It is 963 words and my soul starts to feel entangled. The beauty in blogging lies such an essence- The absence of an author’s thoughts would not be felt. I feel like reaching out to see who would actually read the recollection I painstakingly write. My skull still hurts. I wonder if anything in the world matters. What matters at this point of time is the recollection. I am pushing everything to the back of my mind. So sore, and exhausted. Endurance and perseverance in my writing, far exceeds what the dream can bring me. The word count provided by blogs drains me further but the motivation that comes from within pushes me on. what motivation? I am not sure. I don’t know. I just know something must go on. 1086words. The numbers rains on me as I remember the snippet of faces.

Faces appeared in the dark shallowed atmosphere. The sorrowful memories and touching ones. Chris, Max, Toh, Tan, Anqi, Emma, Jen, Jem, Pam, Ly, Eugenia, Shawny, Hz, Chia, Sq, Van. The list goes on. I didn’t see their face but I knew it was them. There were so near but I couldn’t see their faces. My intuition recognized these friends. It was still dark, pitch dark.

A prediction of August’s election tore through the darkness. My adrenaline boiled as I see “I” shouting in a corridor, highly similar to the one in school. I felt the urge for control and as I looked to my left. There was a frightening consent from my brain. I saw teachers and classmates. I saw a drown in words. I saw myself dying under accusations. I saw the betrayal of self esteem. I saw worries and troubles. I didn’t want to see anymore.

Maybe it was the fright or the exhaustion. Or maybe, the dreading anticipation. I remembered my confidence. Something I needed to take out at this point of time.

Still, time was not a condition. It was just snippets over snippets. I saw a rectify for the scenario. I saw myself turning the tables. I forgot about competition or politics. I saw myself enjoying the prestige of doing something that I like to do. A prestige not in capabilities and specialization but a prestige over attitude and idealism.

Maybe my mind couldn’t take it. I forgot if it was a split second or minutes of hibernation. Time seem to stood still, I couldn’t tell. I wasn’t noticing. The next thing I can remember is myself sleeping on bed.

When i “woke up”, I saw myself strolling along the westernized street. It was turning dark and the buildings seem to become church like structures. I knew the people around me were coming forward. Everyone dropped what they were doing and followed me. I turned back but I couldn’t see their faces. All i knew was that the time has arrived.

I didn’t know if it was the sky or everything around me. There was a foreign green that echoed and burst through, a sudden huge clash in temperature. My body felt electrified till I was drained and damaged. Even so, I felt calm. I know someone was coming.

It was then, I felt a little scared. I knew something was to arrive and it was something that I wanted so much to come. Yet, I didn’t know if I’m prepared to receive it.

Images of giant trumpets started to inflict on me. I sensed a large impact that shook off the security in my heart. I felt sound. I felt music. I felt noise. I didn’t hear any but I’m sure of it. Their volumes were tremendous that the buildings and the whole Earth shook. The land that I placed full weight on. It was like I totally entrusted my strength onto the ground and it was the thing that stood by me, whispering into my ear to keep fear away. The steady land bristled like paper but nothing I could remember, fell or broke. I felt sounds of clattering glasses and bangs of wood and metal. Yet I felt calm. And those figures ,following me behind, felt calm. No one spoke. Somehow, I could tell that we are all the same people. As i stopped to digest all that came too sudden, armor wearing figures descended from the clashing color. I did not know if I’m ready for this but time did not give me a chance to stop and think. Then, I saw a warm light illuminating carelessly as it hover, weak and dangling from the blur end of the path. Walking down clouds that seemed like steps, was a figure. I couldn’t see who it was. It was all covered it shimmering light, near to blinding me.

It wasn’t like the typical portrayal of Christ or God but I knew it was Him. I knelled before Him, face down. I dare not look up. Maybe I was guilty or frightened but somehow I picked the courage to call Him, “Father.” He gently supported me from the ground with the hands of a human being. This person was short and thin. Just totally different from what I expected Him to be. I wasn’t very sure of his identity and suspected it.

I knew I am not supposed to but I doubted him, a little, i wanted to be very sure of it. I asked like a shy child, “Father, do you know me?”

“Yes, Godwin.” His voice felt comforting and immediately calmed me down. I had only the eyes for him. I didn’t even realize, until a while, that actually my surroundings stopped shaking. It was like I was about to head home or some place that seem so familiar to me. I missed that place and I was trembling in excitement. Strangely, the figures behind me were still kneeling and not making any sound.

“Come with me.” ,he says.

At this point of time, I am at the lost of words to describe how delighted and comforted I was. It was like through an exchange of words, I put 110% of my guts and trust in this person, whom I didn’t even see the face of. I loved him and that was the only phrase I could think of. I wanted to be forever with him and be under his care. Nothing else mattered and I was ready to give my whole life and soul to him. I felt tears trickling down my face immediately. I felt the joy of being reunited and a relieve from the exhausting schedule on Earth. I was tired of walking aimlessly. I wanted to be with Him up there.

I woke up. With dry tears on my face. I was back into reality.

I struggled to get my specs out and put it on. The sky remained pale blue. I start to wonder if the previous sky i saw was just a dream. They looked exactly the same and so did everything else but it seemed like hours. I stretched my numb shoulders and brought myself back to reality. The old clock hung high up on the wall displayed the time- 4:50am. I turned back to see the sleeping posture of my Earthly father. It is too selfish to leave now and I realize how unprepared I am. Maybe it was to warn me of the future or just an entertaining dream. I believe it is the first. The Lord have his reasons for everything. I believe he is coming soon- To place a verdict on all the living and the dead so I urge you to start preparing for his arrival. Have faith in His promise. He would not let anyone down if we don’t disappoint him.

-godwin